sucks.

sick. my throat hurts and my nose is running. being sick sucks a lot. it keeps me awake and it knocks me out. i dont even know how i became sick and im not even taking medicine for it right now cuhz im stupid. -__- sick sucks.

school. can you say fuck? well, FUCK FUCK FUCK! i hate school. im fucking up so bad and it sucks. school is stressing me out soo much. i just want to stop trying and give up but i can't. i hate st. lucy's. they expect everything from you. its so stressful. i wish..

people. it sucks how people dont even know like how evnious i get about them. i think its funny how last year everyone said that they never seen me sad one day. hahaha, funny. what a two faced mother fucker. because last year.. hahah happy my ass. its exactly like this year. the one person i can tell everything too faded from me. i dont have that same relationship with anyone else except that one person. he can be annoying at times and stuff but its just natural too. ever since he got a girlfriend we have been done being bestfriends. oh, was he my best friend. supposedly it was going to be the 4 of us to do bowling. but just one person didnt want me on the team. the best friend told me about it but wasnt being that best friend. i said it was "ok" i said " i didnt need to be on the team this year"," its alright". what did you say. " are you sure?" you didnt say the words some one would want to hear. you didnt encourage me at all to even be with you guys. "oh can't you just make another team?" well. that best friend i had is gone. he was my helpful hand. he was the ONLY person i can tell everything too. he was that best friend..

parents. it sucks how i see all my friends that are close with their parents. i wish i was close to them like all my other friends. i can't talk to my parents about anything or else its just akward. i can't even be true with them. the only time when im actually close with them is when we get in argument and me and my mom go talk. only time. gah. i wish i had a laptop and could write this in my room. it sucks how im scared to talk to my dad about things. it sucks how im scared of my dad.. fuck. im crying. i wish everything was easier. sometimes my dad is to harsh on me. not ph ysically but when he just talks to me. he makes me feel so guilty. i wish everything was perfect. it may seem like my dad is the chillest dad ever. he could be but theres times where i have to play a 2 faced person and just act like it. im done with this. ugh.

eating. im not eating right again. this happens like once a week every other month. i just dont eat right, not eat at all, & throw up like a couple times and lose about 10 pounds. this is something that i do tell my parents about, but they dont bring me to the doctor or anything. im used to it.

you. i want to talk about it. but im just to scared to even let my feelings out about you on this. but just to let you know how happy i am for you. you're one thankful thing thats happened to me in a while. we have our ups and downs but who doesnt? im happy i met you. it hasnt been long. i only met you like 2 and half months ago but it seems like ive know you for the longest time ever. haning out after summer school, taking the bus, walking EVERYWHERE. oh my. just talking to you for a little bit makes me happy. seeing you for a little bit makes me even happier. what do you think seeing and talking to you for a long time makes me feel? i dont ever think i can be mad at you, only jealous. you're one thing that keeps me from crying unless other wise. our inside jokes are fucking stupid but they're fucking funny. you're the only person ive ever snuck out to see. something about you, i dont know. but its a good thing about you. im just thankful for you even being my friend. thanks for the small things you do or say. it keeps my day positive. it keeps me positive & hopeful. thank you soo much for everything, thank you! thank you! <3

to think about it. the best time ive had was when i actaully drank for the first time. i dunno. maybe drinking for me is a reliever.

10:22, shit, i forgot tomorrow im going to the police station becacuse of the stupid fight. im fucking scared. i just cant take my mind off of it, ugh. i want to call the person i need the most right now but i really dont want to talk to him. i dunno. i just dont feel the urge to talk to him anymore. he evaporated from me.